Gorgeous, today is your big day, your 18th birthday, the day you become officially a grown-up.
So what else can I tell you, a few days ago you finished high school and I already gave you a ‘great pep talk'. So let me just add a little more: you are gutsy, a go-getter young lady and we are extremely proud of you… But there is one thing that I love the most about you, your beautiful smile; your beautiful smile about life. You were born with that smile, from ear to ear and you always kept it. Never change! We love you! Happy birthday to you!
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So, before I react… I will follow my own advice:
Breathe… breathe, breathe, breathe. Now, I am focusing on my deep breathing for 30 seconds or for a minute; I am only focusing on the air going in and out of my nose, nothing else. Focusing on a simple activity, that helps me to calm my mind; that helps me to create a space between me and what has just happened. When breathing properly we reduce stress and our bodies release endorphins. Endorphins are feel-good, natural relievers, created by our own bodies. _After a breathing session, it is always easier to deal with any senseless situation; I am most likely to have the right reaction and save the nuisance and aggravation! This week I invited myself to a meeting…
To a meeting where some members of a community asked the elected board members to listen to their concerns about an abusive and unfair decision. After leaving the meeting and listening to both sides I thought to myself “how easy it is for people just to accept the status quo, how easy it is for people to be bullied into silence…” It really surprised me to find out how passive as a community we are; how, despite our dissatisfaction, the majority, are not willing to stand up, to protest and just accept the situation. It truly shocked me! Is it cultural or are we just simply trained to conform? At home, we constantly teach our kids that they have a voice and they have to make their voice heard no matter what age or gender they are. Submissiveness or passiveness is taught at home, at school, at work; it is a societal phenomena. People from an early age are trained to stay quite! Nesrin and I want to make sure that we reinforce this strength of character and “believe in yourself” philosophy to our kids! We encourage our children to fight for themselves even if it is with a teacher or an adult. You are the only one that can protect your self worth! No one can disrespect you or minimize your self worth! Kids tend to believe that it’s normal to be bullied and that it's something you have to go through as part of being a kid. For us it's definitely not normal and having to go through it can be devastating to ones self-esteem. All three of our kids have experienced bullying at school, yet, we constantly push them to stand up for themselves. We always tell them, at your age the worse thing that can happen is to get a bruised eye… at this age they are able to risk it all and it will have an immense impact on their personality. This is the time to mold their strength! _At the meeting, after listening to people’s accounts, I saw that very few are willing to fight for injustice. The majority in the community is willing to accept the status quo and believe there is nothing in their power that they can do! Well, that it is not true… First, as a family that has lived in different parts of the world, dealt with contrasting cultures and societies we have realized what a great country the United States is, where the rule of the law is above everyone; where authoritarian judgments are not granted or obedience accepted. Then, as a community we have the strength in numbers; we have persuasiveness to decide who is going to represent us or who is going to be responsible for our affairs. Finally, what would we be teaching our kids if we opt to stay silent, to allow injustice to happen knowing that it is wrong… So, I was thinking about my inner devil… Last week I heard about a gentleman named Francisco… I had a few days where “I did not have anything to do” and decided to go find this guy. Alone, I drove for a few hours into the Ecuadorian Amazon rainforest, got into a boat in the Napo River and found his place. Francisco, a successful banker, a successful entrepreneur, a successful ex-alcoholic, a successful ex-cocaine addict, a successful amended person, a successful recovered person; a successful humanist, was waiting there for me. “Hi Francisco, great to meet you… like you, I have plenty of devils to deal with; I have been fighting with them all my life, it has been tough but slowly I have managed to deal with them, and what is even better is to learn how to control them!” Boom, the ice was broken… he and I established a connection immediately. We began our talk at 6 pm and ten hours later we were sitting at the same table talking about our issues, our lives, our families, our weaknesses, our strengths and how with our little efforts we would like to change and influence people in a positive way. The following morning as soon as I woke up I called my wife, my buddy, “you wont believe how much I learned last night, it was as if I was in college again. I met this great guy that has an incredible, patient, woman with him….” She said: “great, I am so glad that you went to see him…” period; no questions, no problems. Wow... good wife, good woman, good friend. Anyway, after meeting Francisco I decided that I should write about my own devils, about my own internal battle. Anger is my battle, and euphoria brings it out. If I am partying and drink too much, my devil comes out. If I am in a business meeting and I get excited my devil comes out. If I am talking to one of my kid’s teachers I go strong… Yet, with time, and after too many moral hangovers, I am slowly learning to control it… When I'm in a business meeting I just listen, and listen, until it’s time to close the deal. I then jump in and close the deal or kill the deal, but it’s a well thought out jump. Whenever I go out with friends, before I have a drink I remind myself: “remember you have a devil inside of you…” The same with my kid’s school… I listen first before I go on the attack. So here is my thought: We ALL have devils that we have to deal with. Angriness, insecurities, weaknesses an so on… Yes, we ALL have them not all are willing to accept them; the majority of us are always pretending that they do not exist. We disregard them, we push them aside, we blame other people but we are not willing to accept them as our own weaknesses. To deal with our own devils, our own insecurities, first we need to accept them and we need to understand that they are part of us. Our weaknesses are a part of our DNA. When we understand our flaws, we can learn to manage them and even use them to our favor and make them an asset. I learned that my explosive character is a great asset during a crisis. I have learned to use it as a weapon. This strength allows me to focus, to aim and not get distracted. I do think that this fury has helped me to succeed. My wife, the person that knows me the best, is the only one who knows how to use my impatience in the best way. When it is time to deal with a real issue, she calls me and says, “I think that it’s time for you to get involved, to focus on it.” I have learned not to allow myself to get confortable and always to keep my devils in check. Before I have a drink, I always remind myself about my inner devils; if I have to discipline my kids or employees, I step back, breath, and then talk. The funny part, is that my kids have learned how to keep me in check. If they see that I am getting a little annoyed they will say to me “tranquilo, tranquilo”, meaning relax, take it easy in Spanish. They definitely calm me and make me smile. _Meeting Francisco made me realize that we all have a weakness, an internal evil but we are not weak. By looking at our internal evil in the eye we acknowledge its’ presence but we do not allow it to define us. Every single one of us has the power within ourselves to manage our evils and to build strength from our weaknesses. It is not what you see that matters … It is what you do with what you see that does! Mauricio Fraga-Rosenfeld So I was thinking how to describe Nesrin, my wife; the mother of our children… The dictionary gave me a word, Oenomel, derived from the Greek words, oinos (wine) and meli (honey), a drink made of wine mixed with honey that it is used as a folk remedy. Oenomel also has the connotation of being a blend of strength and sweetness Oenomel, a perfect word to describe Nesrin, a tough woman that was raised in Greece, that keeps us all in line but is also kindhearted; a demanding mother that truly cares and always is there for us! Happy Mothers day Mama, we love you! Today our gorgeous Daniela went to high school for the last time. She is done and ready for college. So Daniela, with tears in my eyes I want to tell you that today is a sad but exciting day. Sad because as a parent I realized that you are not our little girl anymore, you are a beautiful, smart young lady that, soon, will leave home for college. Sad because today you are closing a stage in your life, you are done with high school and soon you will have to say goodbye to your friends who will be moving to different parts of the world. Yet, very exciting! Exciting because you have chosen the college you will attend and you decided what path you are going to follow. Exciting because everything is going to be new for you, new smells, new colors, new people. Exciting because now you are 100% in charge of your life!!! Daniela, you have been getting ready for this day for the past 17 years and you did a great job! We are extremely proud of you. You always managed to come up to the top. Do no not be afraid, always be committed, and do take risks… Life is great! One more thing gorgeous: You will always be our little girl, we love you and... just go for it! Yesterday after having lunch with Paul, a dear friend, he made a comment: “What I always admired of you is the quality of the person you are…” Wow, what a great compliment... We were having lunch at a restaurant in Quito, Ecuador that I used to frequent often. From the moment we walked in we were greeted warmly, and through out our lunch the employees, one after another stopped by to say hello and to chat with me. “Mr. Mauricio, how is your family, great to see you, we are glad that you stooped by…” All the staff felt comfortable to approach us and to interrupt our lunch, for a hand shake, for a smile, for a warm hug. Paul, said: “The problem with our society is that we only see employees that are there to serve us, we do not see them as human beings. You on the other hand, make everyone feel comfortable, they like to be around you.” Funny, I see myself as a jackass, somebody stubborn and always ready for a battle, yet with people that I believe that are in a weaker position than me I am completely opposite, I try to be kind and to pay attention to what they have to say and truly care about them. So here is my thought: Small acts of kindness make a difference when it comes to cultivating gratitude. When we express our gratitude to others, we strengthen our relationship with them, we show them respect and that we truly value them. Keep in mind, when you have a grateful attitude you become more energetic and forgiving, and less likely to be depressed or lonely. Gratitude encourages moral behavior and helps people cope with stress and adversity. At the end…we all seek to be valued, to be respected! This week I was invited to give a talk to a group of people that are finishing a workshop and are getting ready to apply for a job. While giving the talk I asked one of the gentleman “why should I hire you?” He talked rapidly but did not give a clear answer. I asked a second person, a lady from Ethiopia, “why should I hire you?” Confidently she turned around and said: “I have a great attitude and you would be proud of hiring me!” “Wow,” I said, “this is exactly what we are looking for in a person to hire… attitude, a winning attitude!” With time, as an employer, as a person that is constantly hiring, I had learned that attitude is more important than skill; an employee with a winning attitude is typically an employee who adapts well to change, is coachable, and will change with your business. According to a study by Leadership IQ, 46% of newly-hired employees will fail within 18 months, while only 19% will succeed. Contrary to popular belief, technical skills are not the primary reason why new hires fail; instead, poor interpersonal skills dominate the list. The study found that 26% of new hires fail because they can’t accept feedback, 23% because they’re unable to understand and manage emotions, 17% because they lack the necessary motivation to excel, 15% because they have the wrong temperament for the job, and only 11% because they lack the necessary technical skills. In life, your attitude is the trigger for a series of events… A positive attitude leads to affirmative thoughts, constructive events and successful outcomes; it generates happiness and satisfaction. A negative attitude generates pessimistic thoughts, destructive events and failed outcomes; it provokes anger and disappointment. Which side of the spectrum are you on? Here are some tips to help us maintain a positive attitude no matter what’s going on in our life.
Keep in mind: Recruiters know that skilled or experienced employees with poor attitudes fail quickly; on the other hand, unskilled or inexperienced employees with great attitudes succeed in the long run. People feel your attitude, so keep it right! - Mauricio Fraga-Rosenfeld
While walking to the car a homeless man approached us to sell to us a newsletter. Daniela, my daughter, and I stopped to talk to him and to understand what he was working on.
Street Sense is a community paper that has been changing the story of homeless people in the Washington DC since 2003. They offer people on the street economic opportunities and an outlet that encourages debate on poverty and injustice; it also helps to develop their writing and communication skills, and to gain a sense of pride and self-respect. As a result, nearly all vendors report an improvement in their lives and it helps them to re-establish some sort of family structure. After a quick chat, I bought a paper and shook Mr. Foster’s hand, the homeless man, and we left. In the car my daughter Daniela commented “It’s crazy how people treat homeless… you never know when you or someone that you know will be in a similar situation.” Wow, what a strong statement! To believe that not everyone could be homeless requires a belief that things just work out exactly as they should. It’s not hard to imagine that things can go south for someone over the course of tough events in one’s life that can easily lead one to be homeless. While writing this blog, a friend mentioned that during law school he volunteered at a homeless shelter… “Some of the people that use to come there clearly had some mental issues, yet the majority of them, were people that had bad luck, that were passing through hard times and were looking for a way to begin again…” These people had gotten beaten up and were looking for a way out! As a young entrepreneur, my first business venture folded as my life did as well. I did not have any money to pay for school, rent or food. So, I was evicted, left alone in the street with not one penny in my pocket and hungry. Now, what kept me going? Pride. It would have been very easy to pick up the phone and call my father, “Padre, I am done, please send me money to go back to Ecuador.” My Pride, would not allow me to accept defeat or a call for help, even though many times I was ready to give up. A good friend allowed me to sleep on the floor at his studio; another let me use his school cafeteria card so I could have something to eat. On top of that, I had to roller blade everywhere because I couldn’t even afford a bus ride. I was completely broke but I never lost hope. I kept my posture and my smile. I would speak in a loud confident voice, always dressed in clean and ironed clothing. I would talk about my ideas and did not show defeat. Slowly I got back on my feet and began building my business… While I was building my business, I met many homeless who ended up working for me and becoming my friends. I tried to take some of them out of the streets but I never succeeded. They had already given up on life, accepted defeat and lost their dignity. Street Sense, the newspaper, is fighting for people to maintain their self-respect, their dignity; instead of begging for money, they are working, they are earning it. The newspaper is providing them with the opportunity to keep their head up. Daniela’s thought is so true, people do not see themselves ever in that situation, they see themselves as better people; they look down at homeless not understanding that it is so easy to follow that path and that the majority of the street-people are just looking for a crack in the door, an opportunity to begin again! They are looking for a smile, a straight-look in the eye that conveys support, “you can do it!” They are human beings fighting to keep their own dignity. “The most important thing that you have is your pride and nobody can take it away from you!” – Mauricio Fraga-Rosenfeld
Today I read a tweet from Sir Richard Branson:
“I never started out in business to make money – I wanted to create products that made a difference in people’s lives. The same is true today…” This made me think about my past, present and my direction in life. As a young entrepreneur I used to work more than 16 hours a day; truly motivated to succeed but mainly to make money. At night I could not sleep, imagining that I would not accomplish what I wanted. Twenty-eight years later, as a mature entrepreneur, I am still motivated, but money is not the drive anymore. Yes, I do want to succeed; yet my motivation is in making changes, in creating ideas and projects that will improve people’s lives. Ideas that will test time and last long after I am gone. A few years ago with some associates we came up with a concept: The PAPI concept. PAPI in Spanish is a word that is an affectionate term for a father; PAPI is someone that cares about you and has the best interest for you to succeed and have a healthy-happy life. The ‘PAPI concept’ states that in order for an idea to succeed, you need to have 4 key components: First, you need to be (P) passionate, (A) take action, (P) be positive and (I) have an impact.
Passion is the key to everything we do. If you are passionate about your family, your career, your life, you will find a way to do it right. If you have an idea or a dream, do you really believe in it, do you have the necessary desire, the required enthusiasm to make it work? Only, if you are passionate you will have the strength to bring your desire to a reality. Every great idea requires action. Any idea without action will be only a dream forever. Set up a plan or a sequence of steps and act on it. A great idea is the one that has a positive impact in our life or the world we live in. When we provide real, long-lasting change to people, when we apply our best thinking to the problems that will create concepts that improve people’s lives is when we create the positive impact. Impact is a qualitative measure for how much consequence something will have over time; it refers to the influence of one person, thing, or action, on another. The larger the impact is, the better. In short, for your plan to succeed, you need to think like a father. Be passionate about your idea, create a plan that will have a positive impact on people and then, act on it! |
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January 2024
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