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Isabela, mi hija menor me dijo que debía  escribir  sobre la confianza, luego de haber tenido una conversación sobre confiar en la gente  con mi familia y unos amigos.

En esta reunión,  yo comenté  que yo recalco a mis hijos que no deben confiar en nadie. La reacción de mis amigos fue enérgica, y sorprendidos me dijeron que esto va contra los principios del ser humano.

CONFIANZA SE DEFINE COMO UNA FIRME CREENCIA EN LO SERIO, VERDADERO HABIL O FUERTE DE ALGUIEN O ALGO.

He estado involucrado en varias aventuras de negocios, algunas han sido muy exitosas y otras fracasaron por diferentes razones.

Como empresario joven quise abrir un restaurante-discoteca. No tenía capital ni credibilidad debido a mi edad. Contacté a un buen amigo, un hombre mayor y muy exitoso  en el mundo de los negocios, entre ellos restaurantes. Le propuse que seamos socios y el acepto. Yo había trabajado como promotor en uno de sus establecimientos y el sabía cuánto yo podía producir. Yo a el lo admiraba y era alguien en quien confiaba.

El trato fue, que el tendría la mayoría del negocio hasta que el club pagara la inversión, luego de  eso seriamos socios al 50/50%. Yo sería el responsable y encargado de crear el nombre, concepto, supervisión, mercadeo y el funcionamiento. No había problema!.

Abrimos el negocio durante una terrible temporada de invierno, Trabaje duro los primeros meses para sacar a flote el negocio. Pocos meses después nuestra concepto era todo un  éxito!!!!.

La gente esperaba haciendo largas  filas para poder entrar! Y  en poco tiempo, se convirtió en el club mas popular en Washington DC. El negocio fue tan bueno que en el primer  año estaba en capacidad  de pagar el total de la inversión .

Cumpliendo con la meta pactada; hice el acercamiento a mi “ángel” inversionista pidiéndole que  cambiemos el porcentaje del negocio. EL sonrió y  mirándome directamente a los ojos me dijo: "NO, y no hay nada que tu puedas hacer!".

Para mi fue un golpe. Había confiado en este hombre y ahora que estaba haciendo que gane mucho dinero, decidió que todo era para él: no le dio valor a su palabra, y me hizo ver que la codicia era su pasión!.

Recién me había casado con Nesrin y ella  me dijo: "Tu pudiste hacer que esto funcione una vez,  puedes hacerlo de nuevo ¨; vendí mi parte accionaria en ¨migajas" y  seguí para adelante.

Ese ¨seguir  hacia adelante¨ significó en mí el haber abierto más de 15 restaurantes/bares y haberme dado a conocer! Mientras me divertía estaba construyendo  una compañía sólida.

En el 2008 cuando la recesión golpeó a los Estados Unidos, tuve que ajustar mis inversiones y mis negocios; nuestra compañía recibió un golpe fuerte y perdimos  varias de nuestras empresas.  Como empresa nos re-agrupamos, logramos sobrevivir y prosperar nuevamente.

Después, decidimos tomar un descanso, hacer una pausa, dejar DC y movernos a Ecuador.

Desafortunadamente la historia se repitió en Ecuador. Yo cometí el mismo error  de mi juventud y confié ciegamente en un amigo de infancia.

Abrí un  negocio en el cual cometí muchos errores de los cuales asumo mi entera responsabilidad y fracasé. Pero la lección mas triste de todo esto es ver que tú amigo de infancia ; en quién había depositado mi confianza, con quién reíamos y tomábamos decisiones juntos; al final del día, me demostró que su palabra no significa nada!.

Nuevamente una persona para la cual la avaricia es su motivación y pasión.

Como le dije a él en nuestra última discusión : "Tú eres un adulto y deberías actuar como tal. Es hora de que dejes de buscar pretextos, asumas la  responsabilidad de tus actos y hagas que tu palabra cuente…. Cómo puede alguien confiar en tí?".

Las dos aventuras empresariales fracasaron pero me dejaron grandes lecciones de vida. Yo tomé las  decisiones equivocadas y como es muy fácil llegar a confiar en las personas, yo tontamente creí en las palabras tanto de mi mentor como de mi amigo de infancia.

Durante la conversación con mis amigos acerca de confianza, me dí cuenta que ellos estaban en lo correcto, no debo decir a mis hijos ¨que no deben confiar en nadie” y lo debo replantear por :

"Tú  no debes confiar en nadie, hasta que te demuestren lo contrario". -  Mauricio Fraga-Rosenfeld.

Unas  frases de dos grandes escritores:

"La confianza empieza con la verdad, y termina con la verdad". -  Santosh Kalwar.

"Que confíen  en ti es un halago mayor que ser querido". - George Mac Donald

Al final del día, todos hemos sido engañados de alguna u otra manera o peor aun hemos fallado y decepcionado a alguien. Pero lo  importante es aprender de nuestros errores y que la gente piense de ti como una persona en la que pueden confiar de la cual pueden depender… Y eso vale millones !!!!

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Hace unos días se cumplieron 30 años de aquel  accidente de motocicleta que tuve y que casi me cuesta la vida.

Tenía quince años, impetuoso e inmaduro, no llevaba puesto el casco de protección, choqué contra una pared; la gente que estaba en el lugar pensó que estaba muerto, y me dejaron tirado en la calle.

Una amiga del barrio que pasaba por el lugar, al verme ahí ensangrentado corre hacia mi casa y avisa a mi hermano  Esteban, en unos minutos estaba junto a mi, literalmente, recogiendo los pedazos.

Tiempo después, ya pasado el gran susto, mi hermano me decía: “Mauchy, estabas acostado en el asfalto, tu cabeza partida completamente, yo tuve que recoger las partes de tu cerebro que estaban fuera de la cabeza, meterlas, e ir sosteniéndolas hasta llegar al hospital, créeme, me dijo, si no fueras mi hermano no hubiese sido capaz de hacer esto, fue asqueroso…”

Gracias a la vida, hoy puedo contar esta historia y aunque mi cerebro tiene un poco menos de neuronas, todavía funciona, creo¨.   :)

Al cumplir un aniversario más de esta experiencia, yo me pregunto:

¿QUE APRENDI DE ESTO?

Lo primero y lo obvio, es siempre llevar puesto el casco, cuando suba a una motocicleta.

Segundo, es saber apreciar la vida en su totalidad.

Tercero, antes de quejarme por alguna circunstancia que la vida me ponga enfrente, pienso en alguien que haya muerto de manera repentina y haya tenido que dejar este mundo demasiado temprano.

Todos tenemos sueños, pero solamente unos pocos los llevan a cabo, la mayoría de gente tiene miedo, miedo a intentar, a arriesgar y fracasar cuando en realidad, los errores son parte de la vida, crecemos y aprendemos de ellos pues estos se convierten en nuestras experiencias.

Si alguien no falla es porque no arriesga lo suficiente y al no arriesgar , NO VIVE; pues son de los errores de donde aprendemos, crecemos y maduramos .

Me ha pasado que cuando converso con personas mayores, todo el tiempo dicen: “Si yo tuviera tu edad aprovecharía más el tiempo en hacer esto... o si pudiese volver el tiempo atrás, hoy probaría tal cosa… o hubiese hecho las cosas de esta manera”.
Cuando yo sea viejo diré: “cuando yo tuve tu edad yo estuve ahí, YO LO HICE. el ¨estar¨ y el ¨hacer ¨ son verbos  muy poderosos.... y eso es muy importante”.

Rico o pobre, a tu vejez, cuando hagas un balance de tu vida, que es lo que te queda? TUS  MEMORIAS! las experiencias que llevaste a cabo, o el lamentar lo que no hiciste y lo más triste es que ya no podrás volver a hacer.

Mientras celebro “mi  aniversario de vida”, aprendí  que cada día es un regalo y lo disfruto al máximo.

Disfruta de la vida y recuerda que  solo tenemos unas cuantas décadas!!!!.
  

Isabela, my youngest daughter suggested that I should write about “trust,” after being involved in a conversation with my kids and family friends about trusting people. 

During the conversation, I mentioned that I tell my kids not to trust anyone. My friends reacted strongly saying that this goes against the principles of humanity. 

Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

I have been involved in many business ventures, some were successful and others were failures due to timing, planning, wrong partners and so on. 

As a young entrepreneur, I wanted to open a restaurant/nightclub. I lacked capital and credibility because of my age.  I approached a friend who was older and successful in the restaurant business.  He agreed, since I worked as a promoter in one of his establishments and he knew that I could produce. He was someone I admired and trusted.  

The deal was that he would own the majority of the business until the earnings of the club paid off the investment and then we would become 50/50 partners.  I created the name, concept, and oversaw marketing and operations. No problem!

We opened the business during a terrible winter season.  I had to work very hard the first few months just to keep the business afloat.  A few months later our nightclub/restaurant became extremely successful.  People waited in long lines just to get in! It had become the hottest club in Washington, DC. The business did so well that it was able to pay off the total investment within the first year. 

Upon completing my goal, I approached my angel investor and requested to change the percentage of equity in the business. He smiled and looked straight into my eyes and said NO, and there is nothing that you can do about it!

I was very disappointed!  I trusted this man and now that I am making him a lot of money he decided he wanted it all for himself.  His word meant nothing but his greed was his passion! 

I had just gotten married and Nesrin, my wife said to me “you made it once, you will make it again…” I sold my partnership for peanuts and moved along.

Moving along resulted in me opening 15 more restaurant /lounges and creating a name for myself!  I had fun and was able to build a strong company.

In 2008 when the recession hit the USA, I had stretched my investments and businesses too much. Our company received a good hit and we lost various businesses. We were able to regroup, survive and able to thrive again.

We decide to take a break from DC and move to Ecuador.  Unfortunately history repeated itself in Ecuador. I committed the same mistake and blindly trusted a childhood friend of mine. 

I opened a business, made lots of mistakes which I take full responsibility and it failed.  But the saddest lesson is to see a childhood friend that you trusted at face value and laughed together, made decisions together, and at the end his word was worth zero! 

Again another person whose greed is his passion! 

Like I told him during our last discussion “You are an adult and you should act like one.  It is time for you to stop making excuses, take full responsibility of your actions and make your word count… How can anyone trust you?”

Both business ventures were my failures but also great lessons of life! I made the wrong decisions and because it is too easy to trust people, I unintelligently believed the words of my mentor and childhood friend. 

During our conversation with my friends I realized that they were right, I shouldn't tell my kids "you do not trust anyone," I have to rephrase it: 

“You do not trust anyone, until they prove you wrong” - Mauricio Fraga-Rosenfeld. 

Here are quotes from two great authors:

“Trust starts with truth and ends with truth.” - Santosh Kalwar

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” - George MacDonald

At the end of the day,  you want to be remembered as a trustworthy person!  And that is worth millions!!!

I decided to write about frustration, which is one of my weaknesses. I tend to lose my temper easily, so easy that sometimes I feel that I am on the borderline of insanity.

While learning about frustration, I thought about a dear friend from childhood, Francisco. As a kid he was always anxious and managed to get frustrated very easy.  Now as adults we always get into philosophical discussions about the mind, friendship, relationships and so on.  I like to listen to his thoughts because he has managed to turn around his emotional life. He has become a yogi and has a blog about how to handle panic attacks “Ataques de Panico." His blog teaches methods or approaches on how to minimize them. 

So who would be better to write an essay about frustration? Francisco agreed to be a guest blogger on my page.

FRUSTRATION by Francisco Perez

A few days ago I read a tweet that said that “… we are always thinking about the future but, once the future is here, it is never the same as we had imagined …”. This short message made me ponder about the anxiety we feel when we are focused on the future and, what is even more serious, about the feelings invading us if the future is not as we had planned or as we had wished. This feeling, a mixture of anger and disappointment, is known as frustration.

During my entire life I have dealt with frustration.  If at a given time things do not happen exactly as expected when I begin a project or when I face a new challenge – whether personal or professional – that feeling of frustration overcomes me for a few instants. A few years ago I used to be totally paralyzed.  Now, however, I have learned from my own and from other people’s experiences that nothing that is worthwhile will ever be simple. I have discovered that, possibly, there is a reason for things not to happen as desired; hence, it will be necessary to become aware of the situation, to take a deep breath, and to start all over again, perhaps with a different approach and in different circumstances.

One of the most memorable teachings about how to handle those feelings arrived at me unexpectedly. I had taken an airplane to return home after an unforgettable experience following several days of meditation in the New Mexico desert during the summer solstice. Before take-off, the flight attendant asked me if I would change seats so that an elderly couple could travel together. I agreed, and moved to my new seat in the aircraft. To my great surprise, the person sitting next to me was Ivan Vallejo, a famous Ecuadorian mountain climber who has climbed Everest without oxygen and other fourteen mountains more than 8,000 meters high. I have always been a great Vallejo admirer who is an adventurer, a fighter and a wise mountaineer.

We talked for a long time. He told me that he had just climbed a mountain in Alaska. I told him that I was coming from a Tantra session in New Mexico.  He told me some of his sorrows, and I told him some of mine. At a given point I mentioned that it was quite difficult for me to deal with the feeling of frustration that during the past weeks was hanging over me. He looked at me silently for a few seconds and said:  “Frustration has always been the karma with which I have had to struggle since I was a young boy, and life is still putting it in front of me on what I love the most, that is, mountain climbing.”  He took a deep breath and added:  “Some times it takes years to understand that there was a reason in what seemed to be a tragedy, in what obstructed your progress.”  He spoke about his experience in the mountains, his frustration when being just 200 meters from reaching the summit he had to give up because weather conditions were not favorable -  all this after 21 days climbing and 10 months preparing for it.  “And there is nothing you can do except to breathe deeply, to accept, not to try to understand at that precise moment, and simply to walk back. After some time perhaps you may try again, perhaps in different conditions.”

Ivan’s words described his ascent to the mountains but, at the same time, his experience in our own path in life.  It was an unexpected lesson on self control, on acceptance to overcome frustration, and on the tenacity to start all over again.

Like Francisco and Ivan, we all have experienced situations in which we become frustrated. Other than being able to stay calm and relaxed, we allow our tension and emotions to rise. We lose control and become helpless in doing anything.

Frustration exists when our needs are not met and we cannot find a solution!

Frustration exists when we are confronted with opposition!

Frustration is a normal feeling but the important part is how we manage it!

If you feel lost in dealing with frustration and you are trying to get a grip,  Dr. Judith Orloff provides 4 tips for converting the energy of our frustration into positive actions.

Tip #1. Focus on a specific issue—don't escalate or mount a personal attack. For instance, "I feel frustrated when you promise to do something but there is no follow-through." No resorting to threats or insults. In an even, non-blaming tone, lead with how the behavior makes you feel rather than how you think the other person is wrong.

Tip #2. Listen non-defensively without reacting or interrupting. It's a sign of respect to hear a person's point of view, even if you disagree. Avoid an aggressive tone or body language. Try not to squirm with discomfort or to judge.

Tip #3. Intuit the feelings behind the words. When you can appreciate someone's motivation, it's easier to be patient. Try to sense if this person is frightened, insecure, up against a negative part of themselves they've never confronted. If so, realize this can be painful. See what change they're open to.

Tip #4. Respond with clarity and compassion. This attitude takes others off the defensive so they're more comfortable admitting their part in causing frustration. Describe everything in terms of remedies to a specific task, rather then generalizing. State your needs. For instance, "I'd really appreciate you not shouting at me even if I disappoint you." If the person is willing to try, show how pleased you are. Validate their efforts: "Thanks for not yelling at me. I really value your understanding." See if the behavior improves. If not, you may have to minimize contact and/or expectations.

Well..., I have a lot to learn. 

Most important, I have to make a conscious effort to follow these 4  suggestions to be able to manage my frustration.

This is an excerpt from one of my posts The Power of Our Mind: “to take control of our lives, first we need to understand who we are and what we want to become. Understanding our habits and know that we can alter them. For that, our conscious mind has to be aware of what needs to be altered, and we have to make a conscious effort of wanting to adjust.”