Bullying is appalling and unacceptable. Whether it happens at school, at home, at work or via screens on social networks, it can have terrible effects on people.

Trolling, a relatively new term, is bullying through the internet.

A troll is a person who spreads discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community with the intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

Who is a Troller?

Research shows that trolls are Narcissistic, Machiavellian, psychopathic, and sadistic. 
Trolls only engage in repeated behavior if it pays off for them. They crave attention and recognition, even if negative. If they feel that they have the power to disrupt, to sabotage groups, to break social protocol, they will continue menacing otherwise they will move to the next prey.

Identifying a troll

Fortunately, it’s easy to spot an Internet troll from a distance. They have their own sets of socially unacceptable behaviors.
Trolls generally use provocative and confrontational language. A clever one will mix it up with relevant and friendly posts.
Trolls hardly ever stick to the topic; they beat around the bush with the intention to confuse the reader.
Trolls of the subtle variety flag off their attack with innocent questions. You will often find them dressed up as new members of forums and chat rooms.
Trolls lack understanding of a topic. They will not respond with a proper answer to a proper question.

How to deal with a Troll

Don't feed the trolls. Trolling is one of those rare problems best handled by ignoring it; if you do, it usually goes away. Trolls want your attention and discomfort; they feed on your impotent rage. If they're trying to be funny, your willingness to rise to the bait provides the punch line. If you don't, there's no joke. The secret to withholding attention is consistency: never respond. That way, the trolls can't even be sure you've read their abuse.
Unmask your troll. Trolls thrive on anonymity, but they're not, in my experience, too careful about guarding it. A little digging will usually turn up something that makes their bile seem beside the point. 
Trolling is unwelcome on most moderated sites, bullying is a violation of Facebook policy and Twitter who have rules against making threats. Ignore the trolls, but don't just ignore them. Click those Report Abuse buttons.
You don't have to provide a platform. If you host your own website with a forum or comments section, easy: delete offensive or abusive material.

"A troll is a bully that spreads and promotes hate and is troubled; they do it because they are insecure and need recognition." -  Mauricio Fraga-Rosenfeld

A disagreement that I have everyday with my wife Nesrin, is that she over indulges our kids.  I believe she does too much for them. She is always there to help them and to protect them.
As parents, it is expected to want to protect your kids from disappointment, defeat or failure; even though, while protecting them, we unconsciously are harming them.
Excessive protection is the barrier for courageousness. When we over protect our kids we are discouraging them from acting on their instincts despite risk or criticism.
The paradox is that defeats or failures are actually beneficial for kids. Learning to deal with setbacks teaches them to develop key qualities they will need to succeed, such as endurance, resilience, creative thinking, and the ability to reinvent themselves.
As parents, we should keep in mind: To risk is to experiment; it can turn out right or wrong, and allow our kids to feel comfortable with failure.

Yes, do protect your kids from harm... but not from struggle; allow them fail! - Mauricio Fraga-Rosenfeld

Flying back to Washington, DC I stopped in Dublin for a couple of days.

I was traveling with 3 full suitcases, at the airport, I saw myself as a clown, a circus clown. I would pull one bag, and the other would fold; three steps forward, 2 steps back. A funny situation…

Finally, I managed to arrive to the taxi stand. A gentleman approached me and said, “do not worry I got this; go and get the rest of the bags.”

This driver, Clive had an easy and great attitude.  He was an older man in his 60’s . You could easily see that he was strong. He looked like a luchador, (fighter).

On our way to the city, we talked about the people, the city, places to visit and his passion for boxing. Slowly the conversation moved to I Love Failure, my blog. We talked about attitude, determination, dealing with failure and so on…  We talked about age and getting older. It was a great and fulfilling conversation.

Clive slowly began to tell me about his life. Although this gentleman had a great attitude, he did not have an uncomplicated life.

He got married at a young age to his high school sweetheart. Together, they had 8 children, but sadly, they  lost 2 of them; their 2 oldest children passed away. One child passed away when she was 6 months old and the second committed suicide 20 years ago.

After the suicide, the family’s life fell apart; their marriage got destroyed and his childhood love walked away 3 years ago.

Clive, was a boxer in his youth and never stopped training. So now, at 60, he still gets into the ring. This is where he finds younger fighters to train with. While sparring these young men he frequently lowers his guard and allows them to hit him; to be used as a punching bag. In the ring, he yearns for punishment; it’s his way to manage or get rid of all his internal demons.

The longer he kept talking the more unconstrained he became…  He had even contemplated suicide several times.
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It seems like he found somebody that was willing to listen, but most importantly, he thought, that he had found somebody that would understand.

After many years of dealing with these evil spirits, finally it seemed like he learned to manage them. He is seeing a professional, taking medication, sleeping better and having a closer relationship with his kids.

Meanwhile, I was sitting in the back listening and silent. He turned around and  said “I’m sorry, it was not my intention to swap this great interaction into a sad conversation”
I responded, “no problem, I appreciate your conversation; normally I have some type of advice to give, yet, today I do not know how to guide you.”

His story had caught me by surprise.

A couple of minutes later I began: “we all have our own personal battles to confront; yours might be worse than mine, but we all have to deal with them. The secret is in learning how to deal with them.”
I have been dealing with my own demons for over 25 years and finally I think that I am beginning to win the battle.

When everything is ready to explode, you allow people to use you as a punching bag, as a release valve.  I used alcohol as a release but would react aggressively or disconnect completely from the world.

Though, the past few years, gradually I had to manage to find a different escape by focusing on my writing. Writing has become my personal psychologist; it allows me to express my frustrations and anger on paper. It allows me to talk about anything, to make mistakes and to correct them.

- At the end, the conversation switched back to a great debate; when we arrived to the hotel, he came down and gave me a warm hug, a hug filled with gratitude and relief.

So here is my thought:

We all, no exceptions, will find ourselves in the middle of a conflict, internal or external.  We struggle looking for some type of inspiration, many times trying to accomplish a goal in our lives, just for the day or just for the moment, it feels impossible.

When you feel trapped, look for a friend for advice, a friend that knows you during good times and bad times. If you don’t have anyone that you can reach out to,  open a book that will encourage you. If you don’t feel like opening a book,  go online where you always find plenty of inspiration. Or just, go for a run…

We all need to have a channel, a support mechanism, a release valve;  keep looking for yours. Do not give up!

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell – Buddha

Looking at Lola, a dog that was rescued few years ago, made me think about how important it is to have the right attitude and disposition to accomplish anything.
During our family vacation at the beach in Ecuador, we were enjoying a late afternoon lunch at a local seafood restaurant, a shack by the water where the locals enjoy home made food.
While having lunch a small dog, made of skin-and-bones, with a crooked back and almost no hair came under the table. The dog began to play with my kids, although the dog was a disaster it did have a great disposition… instantly she attached to our family. Stayed with us during lunch and followed us for a walk.
Isabela my youngest daughter asked if we could take the dog with us. I told her, “sorry, this mutt belongs to somebody and we cannot take her with us;" end of story, I thought.
Next morning, as soon as Isabela got up she ran to my bedroom “Mauchy, (my nickname), can we go back and find out who is the owner of the poor dog?” 
When we got there, we found the little indefensible dog surrounded by two large dogs. It was evident that this poor dog was mistreated, abused and soon she would be dead. 
So as a family we decided to adopt this dog. The kids understood that if we bring this creature to our house, we would be responsible for it, she will become part of our family, she could be very ill or have lots of issues, but from now on she will be our responsibility no matter what.
We got some special soap and powders to try to get rid of all the fungus and ticks that covered her.  We did our best and then put her in the car and drove her back to the city. There, the veterinarian prohibited us to bring her to the house until she received several treatments at the hospital. Her skin had to be treated before allowing her to be with the kids or the rest of the dogs. 
Lola, which is the name that my kids chose for her, had to be quarantined for 45 days.
When finally she got home, she was like a bag of bones; when fed, she could only eat 3 or 4 bites of food and it was difficult for her to swallow. Though, kids where committed and gradually, day-by-day, Lola was able to get her strength back.

Now, why am I writing about this experience with Lola? 
There is a lot to be learned from it...
First, Lola is the best example of a great disposition. She was in a very difficult situation but she did not give up. With her great attitude and personality she was able to win our family’s heart.
Second, Isabela’s persistence and determination to save Lola! Although we already have decided that we would not take the dog, she ran to my room the following morning asking and insisting to go look for Lola’s owner. 
When Lola finally arrived home, she was weak and was constantly fighting to survive. She remembered her past, where she had no food or shelter. So when she was given a treat, she will hide it and save it for a later time. She did the same with toys, shoes and socks. She was always preparing for a reversal in her life where she could be back on the streets. 
Today from all our dogs, 5 dogs, she is the smartest and the most pleasant. You cannot trick her and she learns very quickly what is right and wrong and she is truly grateful for her new life!
At the end, the fact is that we did not choose Lola, she chose us. She decided to adopt us and teach our family great lessons in life! 

People, like animals, must posses the same attributes in order to thrive: One must have the right attitude, be determined and resilient; most importantly, one must stay committed and never lose hope!

Confident people have a positive attitude and have the mental strength to overcome difficult situations.
Confident people have faith in their own abilities, but also have realistic expectations.
Confident people are comfortable with uncertainty and know to how deal with failure. They admit their own mistakes and don’t mind asking for help.
Confident people don’t need to blend in to be accepted; they are willing to accept people’s condemnation because they believe in themselves.
Confident people don’t take things personally or too seriously; they find the humorous side of things and don’t mind looking silly.
Confident people feel good about themselves. They do not put other people down and make everyone else feel as self-assured as they are.

Confident people are the ones that earn our trust and respect!

Always, I use the word gorgeous to call my daughters. Sometimes both turn around at the same time, not knowing which one I am referring to.
Well, little that they know, I use the word gorgeous because in my eyes both are beautiful, but most significantly I use it as an acronym for:

• Good-natured
  
• Optimistic
  
• Reliable
  
• Genteel & gifted
  
• Enthusiastic
  
• Outspoken
  
• Upbeat & understanding
  
• Sharp & sincere

We, as parents, aspire that all our kids would stay gorgeous forever!

“Your smile makes life beautiful” – A Proud Father

This morning during breakfast, I had an argument with my kids, I did not agree with their points and at the end both of them were punished.

Before they left to school, I said to them have a great day. Both had a long face, they were not delighted and I knew what they were thinking.

After I dropped my youngest daughter at school, I was still unsettled about the breakfast incident. While driving to my office I felt a small discomfort on my chest, then my shoulder and my back. I decided to make a U turn and drive myself to the hospital. When I arrived to Georgetown Hospital, I waited and relaxed for a while to be sure that the pain was not just a response from the morning excitement; 30 minutes later, I decided to check in.

The news: heart rate is 49, arteries are spotless, so clean that the cardiologist said to me “I could not find anything, congratulations,” a second doctor approached me afterwards and said “we should send your results to the university, they are remarkable”

Great news, great feeling;  thank you, thank you, to all of them!

Anyway, here is the lesson:

First, we can’t allow emotions to take over our minds. Our real challenges are inside our mind, which is the only thing we can control. Once we take ownership over how we think and react, we are better off!

Then, our present circumstances don't determine where we are going, they only determine where we are beginning and it is our decision how we proceed.

Third and most importantly,  we have to understand that we can do as much as we are able for our kids, yet, at the end it is their decision only, where they end in life; not ours.
Finally, eat healthy, drink plenty of wine and get plenty of exercise; all three would keep a healthy heart.

Cheers!

In my blog I stay away from politics and religion, but after watching the video of this hopeless Jordanian pilot and all the previous beheadings, I can no longer stay silent.

So I ask:
Whose culture or religion embraces this horrendous behavior?

I think…
We the people have been quiet for too long.
We are the majority and a few thugs can’t and won't intimidate us!


"You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind" - Mahatma Gandhi

It's easy to talk about dreams and goals, about wanting to succeed; yet, it is much more difficult to actually make it happen.
The connection between wanting and happening is endeavor, the amount of effort you put in.
Endeavor is to strive, to make every effort, to do one's best, to do one's utmost, give one's all, to push oneself. It means to try hard to achieve something over a long period of time

So, here is the lesson:
In life you have two choices.
You can either lower your expectations to match your effort or you can raise your effort to match your expectations.
However, if you're truly excited about life and unquestionably aspire to succeed, you better make sure you are putting the time and energy necessary to achieve your goal.

Keep in mind: It’s your decision only!

"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle." - Napoleon Hill