Yesterday, Nesrin and I went out for lunch. After parking in front of the restaurant I saw the guard that always takes care of all the customers and us.  I gave him a hug and teased him as I always do, and he starts to laugh. During our lunch Nesrin commented, “I like the way you treat all the workers, you show them respect and befriend them… … I think you should write about respect”.

So here I am… writing about respect

The dictionary defines respect as a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by his or her abilities, qualities, or achievements

In reality I do not think that I am that respectful, as many can attest to that! Sometimes I am kind of sarcastic and direct.  If someone is arrogant I become more arrogant. Many times I have hurt peoples feelings with my attitude but never intentionally.  I believe in not wasting time and being straight to the point.  That can be perceived as rude and arrogant.  I regret hurting people’s feelings and Nesrin keeps telling me there are different ways to say the same thing!

What I am is respectful to people that I believe are in a tougher position than me and are working hard.

My kids are taught to be polite to everyone no matter who it is, a nanny, a housekeeper, a tutor, a classmate...   They are lucky to live with people that work for our family. The words please and thank you are a must in their vocabulary and never can they be abusive or use a rude tone. 

This morning I was driving Gabriel, my son, to school and I was discussing with him my new blog about respect.  He commented, “mutual respect, people assume that they deserve to be served and it is their right. They expect to be respected, but they do not reciprocate.” Gabriel’s comment reminded me of my previous blog,  “Stay Real”, people have a tendency to become arrogant.

When I first arrived to the US with no English, alone with no friends or family, I was working as a laborer.  My background was from an upper middle class family and a very comfortable lifestyle. Now that I had nothing I realized what an idiot I had been, believing I deserved everything.

“The offspring of riches: Pride (self-important), vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny” Mark Twain

My second job in the US was working as a baker at Mr. Donuts.  One of my tasks was to clean the floors at the end of the shift. One night I was on my knees cleaning the floor and the main baker, an older man, stood next to my hands and put his foot in front of me pointing to the area and demanded I clean it over. I thought to myself this arrogant jerk used to do my job and now he feels empowered.  It did not make him a better person than me, but I was in a different position due to circumstances in life.

The guard at the restaurant stands on the sidewalk for 8 to 10 hours a day, always with a smile hoping that people will tip him. The majority of people walk past him and enter the restaurant not even acknowledging his existence.  So when I come and give him a hug, first, I remember my toughest days that I experienced, and I believe that I make his day by making him feel important and he matters.  At the end of the day we all matter and we need to respect that fact!

After a year of dating, I asked Nesrin to marry me. 
She looked at me, held my hand and replied… NO, thank you!

A slow minute of silence past by and then she began to explain her reason… “The moment we get married, you will stop taking risks.  You will feel that you are responsible for my wellbeing and you will think twice before taking a risk! This is normal as it happens to everyone once they get married.”

Risk is defined in the dictionary as the possibility that something unpleasant or unwelcome will happen. In reality, everything that one does in their life requires a certain amount of risk! To learn to ride a bike, taking exams at school, accepting a new job or even asking someone for a date, all require a form of risk taking. You could fall, get an F, get fired or better, could be rejected and stay home alone. The key is to learn, adjust and move to the next challenge!

As a young man, I was constantly involved in different projects, creating ideas and searching for opportunities. I was very focused on my dreams, taking risks for personal or financial growth. After high school, I left the comfort of my home in Ecuador and traveled to the USA looking for a purpose. I arrived in Gainesville, Florida with a limited English and very little cash.  I worked as a laborer, baker, door-to-door salesman, while paying my way through school. In college I was among the founders of a fraternity, created a magazine and built a student discount card. Always taking chances and many times failing.  The most important thing was that I did not surrender and I aspired for better. At night I could not sleep thinking what is next, how can I stay ahead of the pack.

We all have dreams, we all want to be musicians, dancers, writers, politicians, and so on… but only a few are willing to take the risks. The majority are afraid of failing. Making mistakes is part of life and growing up.  Mistakes are what we call experience! If you are not failing it is because you are not risking enough!

The majority of times when you talk to an older person, they will say “IF I was your age, I WOULD be doing so and so….”, when I get older I will say “ WHEN I was your age, I WAS doing so and so…” I was there… very important.  Rich or poor when you’re laying in bed as an old man, the only thing that you have are your memories or regrets!

Leo F. Buscaglia, an American author also known as "Dr. Love," perfectly describes what I am trying to transmit: “The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.”

Nesrin was concerned that I will lose my adventurous spirit by marrying her, but two years later I was able to convince her to marry me. After our marriage, at one point, I did become complacent and less bold but it did not last long. Nesrin cracked the whip and got me back on my feet. She said “I need to see the fire in your eyes that I fell in love with!  We can lose and rebuild again, just do not stop taking risks."

“You are always whistling”, Nesrin commented when we first started dating.  She said, “The part I like about you is, despite the eviction notice and being completely broke, you always whistle or hum a song. Nothing troubles you…”

I always believed in a positive attitude and focusing on the positive.  Thinking of all the things that are wrong and could go wrong depletes your energy and paralyzes you. 

It is very important that my kids wake up every morning happy and walk out the door with a smile.  I wake them up singing opera or a Frank Sinatra song and even dance merengue for them.  They cover their ears and beg for it to stop trying to hide their smiles.  We always have breakfast together with fun conversations.  They leave with a big hug and more silly comments and always enter the car with a smile!  I tell Nesrin, this is the most important time of the day as a family! The kids can leave home either with a motivated perspective or a beaten down attitude.

The dictionary defines attitude as a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior. It could be a NEGATIVE attitude that says: you cannot accomplish or a POSITIVE attitude that says: yes, you can accomplish.

A good sample of a great attitude is the “Love Story” of our good friends Jose Luis and Luz Elena….

Fifteen years ago Jose Luis was in a car accident.  “Luckily for him a group of guys came to rescue him…” they took him out of the car, robbed him and left him lying in the middle of a highway.  A few minutes later a car drove over him! The damage he sustained should have been fatal, 13 broken ribs, punctured lungs, a liver ripped in 3 pieces and substantial internal bleeding.  After 30 days in a coma, the doctors told the family that he would not make it and asked for permission to pull the plug.  The father refused!

Meanwhile, his neighbor, Luz Elena was visiting him everyday at the hospital providing support to Jose Luis’s family. During one of her visits, the Doctor said to her, “you should go home, change clothes and get ready for the funeral, I don’t think that he is going to make it today”. He has had 13 surgeries in 9 days and his body cannot handle it anymore!

To everyone’s surprise Jose Luis made it! He woke up and started a yearlong recovery process!  He pushed his body to walk, breathe and move despite the excruciating pain he was enduring! His fighting will power took over his mind and pain! He was not giving up, and he had the definitive attitude to survive.

During this time Luz Elena was by his side helping him step by step and a love story was born! The price of the accident was to find his soul mate that became his wife! What is inspiring is when he talks about his accident, as horrific as it was, he smiles and says, “I received the greatest gift of all, the love of my life!” What an amazing attitude!

During a summer vacation from college I decided to work as a door-to-door encyclopedia salesman.  Humming was a trick that we learned to keep knocking doors. Whenever a door slammed in your face, smile and keep it lively until the next house. Humming will always put you in a positive attitude and lift your spirits to have the motivation to knock on the next door.  Eventually it became part of who I am on a daily basis! Maintaining a positive attitude on a daily basis helps in coping with whatever life throws at you! One can maintain a sense of optimism in their life that says I will find a way!

Attitude is what defines your action and mind set.   This is a quote from one of my favorite writers, “Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts. Each day, when I awaken, I will follow this plan of battle before I am captured by forces of sadness, self-pity and failure” by Og Mandino

I always try to follow OG Mandino’s advise and have a positive attitude despite what I was going through.  I had no money, an eviction notice, but I did manage to have a girlfriend that believed in me and did not care about my temporary situation.

We may not be able to control events in our lives, but we can direct our attitude and actions to change the results! 

A few days ago Nesrin and I visited Madrid and met up with a dear friend of mine from my early entrepreneurial days.  He asked me what my plans were for Madrid and after explaining our new venture he laughed and said, “you are delusional as always”….

His comment stayed in my mind! Am I delusional?

The dictionary defines delusional as having false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions.  Do entrepreneurs have unrealistic beliefs?  I say yes, but they are passionate about their beliefs.

What does it mean to be an entrepreneur?

An entrepreneur is somebody who has a passion and takes action to gain financial freedom by executing his belief!

The dictionary defines entrepreneur as a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so.

Becoming an entrepreneur is not just starting a business to gain financial benefits but it is about taking large financial risks to make a difference. Every time I decided on a concept and a business, most everyone called me crazy and commented it will never work. They list why so many businesses fail and what makes my idea so special that it will succeed when the percentages are against me. Stability is always emphasized and encouraged and anything else should be done on the side but always maintain stability.

The New York Times wrote an article about Dr. John D Gartner’s book “The Hypomanic Edge.” Dr. Gartner states that skill and knowledge are important but having the right attitude or psychology is, if not more important.  It describes the psychological profile for entrepreneurs having disorders or none:

The following is an excerpt from the article…

Successful entrepreneurs are not just braggarts. They are highly creative people who quickly generate a tremendous number of ideas - some clever, others ridiculous. Their "flight of ideas," jumping from topic to topic in a rapid energized way, is a sign of hypomania….

I interviewed a small sample of ten Internet CEOs I asked them if they agreed that these traits are typical of an entrepreneur:

He is filled with energy.
He is flooded with ideas.
He is driven, restless, and unable to keep still.
He channels his energy into the achievement of wildly grand ambitions.
He often works on little sleep.
He feels brilliant, special, chosen, perhaps even destined to change the world.
He can be euphoric.
He becomes easily irritated by minor obstacles.
He is a risk taker.
He overspends in both his business and personal life.
He acts out sexually.
He sometimes acts impulsively, with poor judgment, in ways that can have painful consequences.
He is fast-talking.
He is witty and gregarious.
His confidence can make him charismatic and persuasive.
He is also prone to making enemies and feels he is persecuted by those who do not accept his vision and mission.

… I feared they might find the questions insulting. I needn't have worried. All of the entrepreneurs agreed that the overall description was accurate, and they endorsed all the hypomanic traits, with the exceptions of "paranoia" and "sexual acting out" (these traits in particular are viewed as very negative and thus may be more difficult to admit to). Most expressed their agreement with excitement: "Wow, that's right on target!"

When you look at successful entrepreneurs they all have these qualities. When you lack the above, how can one have the determination to succeed? I definitely fit into this psychological profile, and yes I want to change the world with my grand ideas day-by-day, year-by-year! Does this make us crazy or passionate?  I believe we are both!

My dear friends’ comment, “you are delusional” was a great complement, as I know that my insanity and passion are a gift!