Hace algunos días, navegaba por internet en mi constante búsqueda de información acerca de historias sobre el fracaso y sus lecciones y encontré un artículo muy interesante, “Aprender de los Fracasos."
Los únicos datos de los que disponía era el nombre del autor. Luego de descartar algunos nombres similares encontré a su autor y me puse en contacto con el. Resulto ser un psicólogo y escritor muy prestigioso de Barcelona, Xavier Guix. Xavier accedió a que yo comparta su artículo a través de mi blog. No son casualidades, son caminos que se encuentran! Ahora que voy a instalarme en España se abre esta interesante puerta de colaboración, se que con Xavier fortaleceremos y profundizaremos la fuerza de este concepto "I Love Failure. Lean from it”. APRENDER DE LOS FRACASOS No todo es crisis después de sufrir una derrota: las mejores lecciones vienen tras ella. Por Xavier Guix No existen fracasos, sino resultados. Solemos llamar fracaso al resultado fallido y frustrante de unas expectativas: algo que tenía que suceder no sucede, o lo que no tenía que suceder sucede, y acarrea un sentimiento de desaliento que incapacita. Existen entonces dos dimensiones: unos resultados y unos sentimientos. El hecho de que algo no haya salido bien es simplemente un resultado. Nada más y nada menos. Si lo aceptamos así, como un resultado, podemos analizar lo que ha sucedido y corregir con vistas al futuro las secuencias necesarias para obtener un buen resultado. El problema se esconde en los sentimientos, o sea, en la interpretación que hacemos de los estados emocionales producidos por el mal resultado y cómo los asociamos a nuestra identidad. Es como decir que somos lo que hacemos. Por eso, a veces, un mal resultado acaba siendo vivido como un déficit personal, como un fallo de nuestras capacidades y recursos. Un fracaso, en definitiva, por ser nosotros mismos, por ser como somos. El fracaso está dentro de las personas. Por muy terrible que sea lo que nos ha sucedido, no deja de ser un resultado. Algo que podemos aprender, mejorar, cambiar, corregir, evitar en el futuro. En lugar de entretenernos en culpabilidades, penas o flagelaciones, vale más que aprendamos de lo sucedido o que sepamos transitar las crisis que suelen acompañar el duelo de la frustración. El fracaso es un calificativo dirigido a la moral, a la motivación, a la ilusión, a la capacidad, a la voluntad de aquellos que ahora viven en la contrariedad. El fracaso visto así reside en el interior de la persona y no en los hechos en sí. El fracaso se alimenta de un “fracasador”. Cierto que a veces este rol lo asume la sociedad, los que nos rodean, e incluso los más íntimos. Pero sólo se convertirá en fracaso si el “fracasador” eres tú mismo. No es lo mismo tener un fracaso que ser un fracasado. Epicteto ya nos legó aquel aforismo que dice: “El mal no se encuentra en las circunstancias, sino en la opinión que nos hacemos de ellas”. Algo parecido afirmó Albert Ellis, el creador de la terapia racional-emotivo-conductual (trec) y su afamada teoría del A-B-C, en la que A son los hechos neutros; B, lo que hemos interpretado sobre la situación, y C, las consecuencias emocionales y conductuales. Nuestra manera de reaccionar, de afrontar la situación, es consecuencia de B y no de A. Es decir, que respondemos a la crisis según nuestro mapa, según las creencias que hayamos acumulado, y no por los hechos en sí mismos. Cuando nos encontramos ante un éxito o un fracaso inesperados, solemos hacer atribuciones de causa, tal y como analizó John Marshall Reeve. Se pueden diferenciar causas que se encuentran dentro de la persona: internas (personalidad, inteligencia, habilidad, esfuerzo, estrategia y belleza física), y causas que se encuentran en el ambiente: externas (el tiempo, la influencia de otra persona y el nivel de dificultad de la tarea). ¿Te has fijado en lo que ocurre cuando queremos explicar la conducta de otra persona? Existe una tendencia fiable a atribuir esa conducta a factores de personalidad (no lo puede hacer mejor porque es un vago). En cambio, cuando nos toca justificar nuestra conducta, la atribuimos a factores externos (es que el mercado está fatal). A eso se le llama el error de atribución fundamental. Los fracasos nos ponen a prueba. Así como después de una perdida se produce un periodo de duelo, después de un sonoro fracaso se produce una situación de crisis. Hay que replantear de nuevo, pero sobre todo hay que cambiar. Si siempre se hace lo mismo, siempre se acaba obteniendo el mismo resultado. El corazón de una crisis es eso, una lucha interna en la que no hay ruido de sables, sino un vaivén emocional que desgasta toda la energía disponible ya de buena mañana. La resistencia al cambio suele ser intensamente dolorosa porque significa soltar las amarras que han permanecido ancladas en burbujas de comodidad, de protección y de control. Sabes que no puedes ir hacia atrás, porque la crisis ha llegado justamente por permanecer demasiado tiempo aguantando algo insostenible. Pero tampoco puedes ir hacia delante porque no sabes qué es lo que te vas a encontrar, no se dispone aún de la confianza necesaria para entregarse plenamente. Eso es, ni para delante, ni para atrás. Las crisis son paralizadoras. Están atenazadas por el miedo. En este punto del proceso, cuando el ego ha quedado reducido a su mínima expresión, cuando andamos perdidos por ese laberinto porque habitamos en el sinsentido, entonces hace su aparición el héroe interior. De allí donde parece que todo es vacío, justamente de allí, surge el mundo de las posibilidades. Si en lugar de vacío todo estuviera lleno, no cabría nada ni nadie más en tu vida. A menudo hay que vaciar para renovar. Existe un miedo al vacío y por eso mucha gente decide llenarlo por fuera, llenarlo adictivamente, llenarlo a través de los demás. Pero existe asimismo un vacío fértil, un vacío que es fuente de creatividad, un vacío que a la vez lo es todo. Ahí es donde nacen las oportunidades. Lo importante no es caer, sino levantarnos lo antes posible. A lo largo de la vida vamos a sufrir diversos avatares que afectarán a diferentes áreas de nuestra existencia. Aunque pretendamos andar armonizados y evitar el sufrimiento, nuestro estado natural no es precisamente el de la perfección. Martin Seligman suele definir la felicidad como la liberación de nuestras peores pesadillas. Eduardo Punset lo resume aún más: la felicidad es la ausencia del miedo. Nuestra cotidianidad es una lucha continua por evitar el mal mayor. Más que dirigir la acción hacia lo que queremos, la dirigimos a evitar lo que no queremos. Todos son esfuerzos para no caer. Sin darnos cuenta, en lugar de ahuyentar el miedo, lo estimulamos. De tanto temerlo, lo atraemos hacia nosotros. Que tropecemos es algo inevitable. Pero lo que mide nuestra auténtica capacidad de respuesta es el tiempo que necesitamos para volvernos a levantar. Crisis, disgustos y fracasos, los vamos a pasar todos. Lo que diferencia a unos de otros son los recursos internos que nos permiten recuperar lo antes posible el timón de nuestra vida. Grandes expectativas, grandes fracasos. La fuente primordial de los fracasos suele situarse en un error en las expectativas. Si bien podemos planificar, organizar y controlar aspectos mecánicos de la vida o del trabajo, mucho más difícil es hacer con nuestros deseos, ilusiones, nuestras relaciones y nuestro futuro. El factor incertidumbre está siempre presente y hay que contar con él. Unos lo miden de forma optimista, y otros, pesimista. Unos ven el vaso medio lleno, y otros, medio vacío. Unos ponen mucha razón, y otros, mucha emoción. Pero lo que unos y otros deben evitar es un exceso de expectativas. Cuanto más elevadas, más dura puede llegar a ser la caída. No hay que renunciar a las expectativas, sino saber ver en ellas la parte de fracaso que ocultan. Todo ocurre a la vez. No existe lo uno sin lo otro. No buscar el porqué, sino el cómo y el para qué. Cuando se anda metido en la incertidumbre, la mecánica mental se pone en marcha a la velocidad de vértigo. El pensamiento se obsesiona por partida doble: busca justificaciones o porqués de lo sucedido anticipar todo lo que puede ocurrir en el futuro. Lo uno nos ancla en el pasado y lo otro nos proyecta hacia el futuro. No hay manera de centrarse en lo que más necesitamos en tiempos de crisis: estar presentes y estar en presente. No forzar nada. Es fácil caer en la trampa de considerar que si se les da vuelta a las cosas se encontrará la solución más adecuada. Inútil. Va a ocurrir todo lo contrario. La solución se convertirá en problema. Las únicas preguntas que vale la pena explorar son: ¿cómo? y ¿para qué? El cómo es altamente útil para analizar secuencias de hechos en los que podemos descubrir el punto crítico en el que hemos fallado. El para qué nos orienta hacia el sentido, hacia la intención: ¿qué sentido o significado puede tener ese fracaso? ¿Para qué ha llegado? ¿Qué tenemos que aprender de esta experiencia? ¿Qué oportunidades se abren a partir de ahora? Buena suerte, mala suerte, ¿quién lo sabe? Dice el Dalai Lama que la vida no es que sea una ilusión, pero sí es como una ilusión. Aquello que aparenta ser fuente de felicidad lo acaba siendo de infortunio, y aquello que parece una maldición acaba siendo una bendición. La no permanencia de la vida nos permite entender que todo ocurre a la vez y que nada es para siempre. Las crisis y los fracasos son un ejemplo de ello. No existe experiencia más definitiva para entender que la vida se expresa no en los extremos, sino en la tensión que se produce entre ellos. Las crisis son una excelente oportunidad para poner orden entre la resistencia al cambio y el cambio en sí mismo. El tiempo de tensión entre las fuerzas es el que va a permitir fortalecer tu espíritu, del mismo modo que la gimnasta fortalece sus músculos ante la tensión del peso que soporta. Si nos relajamos a la primera de cambio. Si nos pasamos la vida evitando tensiones, entonces no vivimos. Evitamos vivir. Las crisis son la respuesta de la vida ante la parálisis que puede producir un fracaso. A cambio, te regala una gran oportunidad de aprender. Deposita en ti algo más de sacudiría. Te hace el favor de dejarte entrar en el mundo de las posibilidades. "Las casualidades no existen, las que sí existen son las causalidades." - Federico López
1 Comment
![]() Today, I am traveling for business… Yesterday, my kids complained. Mauchy, my nickname, how can you leave during fathers day? I explained to them, I need to travel on Sundays so I won't waste all working week traveling… After a while, they understood. Today, when I landed in Miami I got a great surprise. My wife and kids had emailed a great letter for fathers day. A great present!... A better present when Nesrin called me "handsome"... ja, ja. Enjoy it! MAUCHY Our 3 kids are very lucky to have Mauchy as their father, confidant, and best friend! Meaning of a father: F Funny A Amazing T Tough H Handsome E Excellent R Responsible Mauchy is happiest when he is with his kids! Mauchy defines wealth in time spent with his kids! You are a very wealthy man and our kids are rich with memories and good times! Here is a message for you from each one on your special day! We love you! - Nesrin Happy fathers day padre! It’s your favorite and only son here wishing you a fun fathers day. Your spending fathers day in Miami and we want you to know we didn’t forget about you on this special day. I can’t express how much knowledge you have shown me and all the fun times we have had. You have shown me your business and allowed me to be part of some important decisions. We have had great times going to your restaurants and learning how to run a successful business. You have taught me many attributes but the most important one is perseverance. I will never give up no matter how difficult the task and if you have perseverance in your career, you are bound do succeed. To succeed after many failures that you learned from of course. You are a big part of my life and you have shaped the person who I am today. A father to me is someone who shares his knowledge with you and helps make your life a whole lot brighter. Someone that you have inside jokes with and that can be trusted with valuable information. Someone who will back you up and provide help the best he can. Someone who will love you no matter your flaws. I want to say thank you Mauchy for being the best padre I could ever ask for and continue being the man you are.- Gabriel There are many different ways to say Father. Dad, Padre, Daddy, Baba, Pa, etc. But they all mean the same thing. For me father means my hero my role model, my Mauchy! My dad taught me to stand up for myself and not let anybody push me around. He always told me not to be intimidated by others. Mauchy has been there for me whenever I needed him. Whenever I’m hurt he doesn’t baby me, he makes me stronger. He always tells me not to be a follower but to be a leader. He tells me not to be weak to be strong. A father is somebody you can count on somebody you can tell everything to him and someone who loves you. Thank you Mauchy for everything you’ve done for us and continue to do, and for putting up with the fights and complaints. Thank you and Happy Fathers Day!!!! - Isabela (the favorite) Happy Fathers Day Mauchy! You’re in Miami right now, but I still wanted to wish you a happy Fathers Day. You are the best dad anyone could ever ask for and you have taught me so much. You have taught me lessons about life, business, and becoming a better person. I know you love us very much and will always put your family first, even though we annoy you all the time. Whenever I am with you we never stop laughing. We can always bother you and all you do is laugh. You always have patience with us and you don’t take life too seriously. You have taken me all around the world and I have seen and learned so much with you. You have made me a stronger person and taught me to never give up. You never allow us to use excuses and always tell us, “Excuses are for losers.” Thanks for being a great Padre and Happy Fathers Day! - Love, Daniela "My obligation as a Father is to encourage my kids to ALWAYS follow their dreams." - Mauricio Fraga-Rosenfeld ![]() Yesterday I took my kids to watch a soccer game Ecuador against Argentina. I had promised to take them there because it was the final game that we will see in Ecuador since we are moving to Spain next month. The day before the game I went looking for tickets, it was was completely sold out and I was able to find 5 tickets together from a scalper, a reseller. I knew a friend who was also looking for tickets so I called her and asked her if she wanted me to find some for her. She asked which location seats did I find? No idea… I looked at the tickets and proudly said “General Norte”. She was quiet for few seconds and responded, no thank you, don’t worry, which made me wonder where is “General Norte”? I emailed a picture of the tickets to my kids… all were excited. Next day the kids left school early to go to the game. We all put on our yellow jerseys and we were ready for the game. We got there, we painted our faces got in line and found our seats. The tickets that I had purchased were on numbered cement stairs, located at the top of the stadium, far away from the field and behind the goalkeeper. Not the best location to watch a World Cup qualifying game and the best soccer player in the world, Lionel Messi. Daniela, my daughter instantly complained, what is this? We can barely see the players, and we can only see the back of the goalkeeper. Look, pointing at the “palco” theater sitting area… those are the seats that we should have. I looked at her and said; “gorgeous, we are lucky to find tickets and remember this is the best place to watch a game, you will see…” Thinking in my head, these might be the worse seats possible. Oh well, we are here and we are going to have a great time. A few minutes later, Daniela after thinking and realizing that we were lucky to have been able to come to the game said to me “ I am excited about this game and the best thing we are going to see Messi”. She had decided that she was going to make the most of this situation. While waiting for the game to start, I realized we were seated in the middle of the “Barra Brava”. For better understanding I got the translation from the dictionary: “Barra Brava: a group of violent soccer supporters”. Now I understood why my friend did not want me to get tickets for her family. The game started and the crowd began to cheer, to sing, to dance… The area where we were seated was not just a place to watch but a place to feel the game. People come to the stadium to celebrate and we were in the middle of the celebration. Our family quickly became part of the celebration, I told my kids, today you can use any cuss word… they learned quickly and used them all. Referee %#&!, Messi %#&!, Goalkeeper %#&!, they learned the cheers and dances. During the first half when Ecuador scored while we all were celebrating I saw Gabriel, my son hugging a father and son, all three embraced in the celebration. The “Barra Brava” was really a very cheerful group of people from all over that got together to enjoy the game. Any difference in race, politics, religion, social status, despaired during this great jamboree. We all became one nation! I pointed to my kids showing the theater seating area. There, people were enjoying the game, but lacking the festive attitude… they would clap, cheer but they did not become part of the celebration. At the end of the game I told my kids, “I told you these are the best seats.” They all agreed and had a huge grin on their face. So, what did we learn from this? Everyday, we find ourselves in different circumstances, good, not so good or terrible. But here is the key; the outcome of these situations depends on how we react to it. It is our attitude that will affect the outcome. In other words, our perspective determines the way things turn out. If you have a pessimistic predisposition the outcome will be negative. On the other hand, if you accept the situation and try to make the best of it, with the best attitude the outcome will be the most favorable. Daniela’s perspective changed when she said to me “ I am excited about this game…”; she was very optimistic and decided to alter the outcome. The end result was that we as a family had an amazing experience that we will never forget. “It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult undertaking which, more than anything else, will determine its successful outcome.” -William James ![]()
In our house, dinner is the most important event of the day! Dinner is the time where we talk about our day, our events, our problems, business ideas, school projects, and so on. It is the moment for an open forum. It is open mic time! Everyone has equal opportunity to talk about any subject. During this time we learn, we laugh, we argue… and have a great time as a family.
Last night, like every night, all 5 sat down for dinner. Daniela started a discussion about nationalism. She explained to us the meaning of it and compared it to patriotism. Nationalism was compared to the meaning of a family. Within the family you could have discussions, make fun of each other, insult your brother or sister, but all within the household. However, the moment that somebody from outside insults or attacks the family, all the members forget about the internal fights and stick together to stop and repeal the outsiders attacks. It is the same concept of nationalism… Great topic, we all had different points of view, took turns to express our ideas, disagreed, and many times we interrupt each other to make our point. . The conversation covered war, religion, racism, America, the Middle East, WWII and so on… After an entertaining and a constructive heated discussion we finished our meal with a hot cup of green tea and each went on to finish homework or watch TV before bedtime. While listening and participating in this debate, I thought to myself, these family gatherings are the best example of democracy. All 5 have different opinions and all have the opportunity to express their point of view, even if at certain times the voices were raised. At the end of the conversation we had our hot tea and no one was convinced of the other’s point of view, but we all exercised our listening skills. What is the meaning of Democracy? Democracy is a form of government in which all eligible citizens have an equal say in the decisions that affect their lives. Democracy allows eligible citizens to participate equally—either, directly or through elected representatives—in the proposal, development, and creation of laws. It encompasses social, economic and cultural conditions that enable the free and equal practice of political self-determination. “All eligible citizens have an equal say in the decisions that affect their lives”. An equal say is the most important concept of democracy. I am 46 years old and I wish my childhood dinners were similar to our dinners today. In our times we had to look at adults with respect and silence was considered a form of respect. In our family, today, respect is earned no matter what the age. Our children are learning several skills at dinner that sometimes others take a lifetime to learn; skills like knowing to debate, self-expression, self-confidence and believing in themselves. Most importantly, they are not afraid to voice their opinion! All great skills that will help them mold their personality and their future! "The first duty of a man is to think for himself" - José Martí ![]() Nesrin and I have been together for 22 years, we are best friends, best opponents, best protectors... Our marriage has been like the stock market we have gone from record highs to record lows, slowly with time the market has become a steady growth line with smaller dips and peaks. I am sharing Nesrin's view about marriage. The Three Phases Of Marriage by Nesrin Abaza As I read Mauricio’s blogs, I think to myself, how much I have grown in this relationship because of him and not the fact that I am 6 years older and wiser! There have been many strong events that took place in our lives in the past 5 years and they could define in which direction we can go! Thank god, the captain of the ship never steered direction, no matter how tragic the events were in our lives! Being able to experience this strength of moving forward and being positive allowed me to reflect on how I came to this point, knowing how different I was as a person many years ago. This is a result of many years of work, not just love but a lot of patience, perseverance and determination. I realized at the end of the day, that is what marriage is! I reflected on how I decided to get married, how we stuck it out, and how I would have it no other way! So, I decided to call this article The 3 phases of marriage: Phase 1: All emotions, no real mind control, cannot live with out you and so in Love! Great but is it sustainable?? Phase 2: Married the love of my life but can’t stand it. Now we actually have to deal with all the flaws in our characters and things don’t look so rosy on a daily basis. We fight about everything and whom does that person think they are to ask of me what they want?? Egos start clashing and sometimes our rationale is not so rational. Ready to walk out and say this is not what I signed up for. Well, this is called real life and all the pressures and ups and downs that come with it. Throw in 3 kids into the formula and wow! One starts to wonder what happened to the golden days of dating! From Phase 2 to Phase 3 is where maturity takes over your emotional mind and you start evaluating the pros and cons, and say to yourself it’s not worth throwing away 5 lives over silly fights and egos. When you actually pause and think of what you are fighting about, you realize it is not a life-changing event! Phase 3: When each one finds peace with oneself and say, “there is no one I would prefer to have dinner with tonight than my husband / wife.” You realize you are best friends and there is no one else you prefer to talk to and has a clear understanding of what you are talking about. Realizing that you don’t have to jump in defense every time you hear something you don’t like, instead breathe, think and realize not so important. What a great feeling, you have finally become one! Now this is a sustainable marriage. This is the stage that I am truly enjoying, my spouse, my best friend, and my family! I never thought I would be saying this, but it took perseverance, patience and determination! What a payoff! Everything in life worth having takes work! Enjoy the results! "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin |
Who I am today as a person is largely due to my failures! Archives
January 2024
|