This week has been a week of phone calls and messages:
“Mauricio, our dear friend is going into rehab tomorrow…”
“Mauricio, I just called you to say thank you for all your support…”
“I did mess up, but I am coming back stronger…”
All this communication kept me awake all night thinking:
How many times have I messed up, how many times I have been in similar situations; gotten drunk, gotten into a discussion and said the wrong thing…?
How many times I have been in a situation where I had woken up in the morning hoping that I could stay in bed all day. Sometimes the guilt is so unbearable that I wished for an "undo" key to erase it all.
Well, we don't have the magic key; we are guilty, we were weak, we were stupid and we were wrong. We have to assume responsibility, learn to deal with it and move forward.
So, here is my thought:
First, if you mess up, you really need to understand where you went wrong. How did you manage to fuck up so bad? The key is to understand and admit what you did was wrong; it takes courage to step up.
Then, if you feel embarrassed, ashamed hold on to that. Next time when temptation comes knocking, and it will; remember who you were and why you wont want to be that person again.
Now, to feel embarrassed is completely different than to feel guilty; guilt is the sensation of not forgiving ourselves for things that we did in the past, not forgiving ourselves for hurting someone, not forgiving ourselves even after making amends. A guilty feeling will slowly consume your soul and destroy your will. Focus on forgiving yourself for what you've done.
Yes, you messed up, but forgive yourself. Learn from it and focus on repairing the situation; make the commitment to do better in the future, and let that guilt walk away.
Finally, when you decide to change, you will remember everything you went through and everything you did while confused. The person you were will be a constant reminder of who you don’t want to be. The person you were will be a constant reminder that you need to remain committed to staying sober.
Keep in mind: Sometimes we cannot move from our frozen state with out help. Don’t be afraid to reach out and say I am ready for change, help me get there!
Do not forget your mistakes, but stay focused on the future!
Who I am today as a person is largely due to my failures!