Knowing that I am not a serene man and tend to lose my temper easily, I decided to write about the emotion of being frustrated. Hoping that by putting it in writing, I would be able to clear my mind and handle the situation at ease...
- We all have experienced situations in which we become frustrated. Other than being able to stay calm and relaxed, we allow our tension and emotions to rise. We lose control and become helpless in doing anything.
Frustration exists when our needs are not met and we cannot find a solution, when we are confronted with opposition! Frustration is a normal feeling but the important part is how we manage it.
If you feel lost in dealing with frustration and you are trying to get a grip, Dr. Judith Orloff provides 4 tips for converting the energy of our frustration into positive actions.
Tip #1 - Focus on a specific issue—don't escalate or mount a personal attack. For instance, "I feel frustrated when you promise to do something but there is no follow-through." No resorting to threats or insults. In an even, non-blaming tone, lead with how the behavior makes you feel rather than how you think the other person is wrong.
Tip #2 - Listen non-defensively without reacting or interrupting. It's a sign of respect to hear a person's point of view, even if you disagree. Avoid an aggressive tone or body language. Try not to squirm with discomfort or to judge.
Tip #3 - Intuit the feelings behind the words. When you can appreciate someone's motivation, it's easier to be patient. Try to sense if this person is frightened, insecure, up against a negative part of themselves they've never confronted. If so, realize this can be painful. See what change they're open to.
Tip #4 - Respond with clarity and compassion. This attitude takes others off the defensive so they're more comfortable admitting their part in causing frustration. Describe everything in terms of remedies to a specific task, rather then generalizing. State your needs. For instance, "I'd really appreciate you not shouting at me even if I disappoint you." If the person is willing to try, show how pleased you are. Validate their efforts: "Thanks for not yelling at me. I really value your understanding." See if the behavior improves. If not, you may have to minimize contact and/or expectations.
Well, I have plenty to learn and also I would like to add my own:
Tip #5 - Find an outlet that allows you to breathe and calm down. Once your mind is relaxed your view becomes clearer and not clouded with anger. Better decisions are made with a clear and relaxed mind.
We all, particularly me, need to make a conscious effort to follow these useful tips and have the power to manage our emotions.
“To take control of our lives, first we need to understand who we are and what we want to become. Understanding our habits and know that we can alter them. For that, our conscious mind has to be aware of what needs to be altered, and we have to make a conscious effort of wanting to adjust.”
Mauricio Fraga-Rosenfeld - The Power of Our Mind