MARRIAGE

Nesrin and I have been together for 22 years, we are best friends, best opponents, best protectors...

Our marriage has been like the stock market we have gone from record highs to record lows, slowly with time the market has become a steady growth line with smaller dips and peaks. 

I am sharing Nesrin's view about marriage.

The Three Phases Of Marriage 
by Nesrin Abaza

As I read Mauricio’s blogs, I think to myself, how much I have grown in this relationship because of him and not the fact that I am 6 years older and wiser!  

There have been many strong events that took place in our lives in the past 5 years and they could define in which direction we can go!  Thank god, the captain of the ship never steered direction, no matter how tragic the events were in our lives!  

Being able to experience this strength of moving forward and being positive allowed me to reflect on how I came to this point, knowing how different I was as a person many years ago.

This is a result of many years of work, not just love but a lot of patience, perseverance and determination.  I realized at the end of the day, that is what marriage is!  I reflected on how I decided to get married, how we stuck it out, and how I would have it no other way! 

So, I decided to call this article The 3 phases of marriage:  

Phase 1:  All emotions, no real mind control, cannot live with out you and so in Love!  Great but is it sustainable??

Phase 2:  Married the love of my life but can’t stand it.  Now we actually have to deal with all the flaws in our characters and things don’t look so rosy on a daily basis. We fight about everything and whom does that person think they are to ask of me what they want??  Egos start clashing and sometimes our rationale is not so rational. Ready to walk out and say this is not what I signed up for.  Well, this is called real life and all the pressures and ups and downs that come with it.  Throw in 3 kids into the formula and wow!  One starts to wonder what happened to the golden days of dating!

From Phase 2 to Phase 3 is where maturity takes over your emotional mind and you start evaluating the pros and cons, and say to yourself it’s not worth throwing away 5 lives over silly fights and egos.  When you actually pause and think of what you are fighting about, you realize it is not a life-changing event!

Phase 3:  When each one finds peace with oneself and say, “there is no one I would prefer to have dinner with tonight than my husband / wife.” You realize you are best friends and there is no one else you prefer to talk to and has a clear understanding of what you are talking about.  Realizing that you don’t have to jump in defense every time you hear something you don’t like, instead breathe, think and realize not so important. What a great feeling, you have finally become one!  Now this is a sustainable marriage.  

This is the stage that I am truly enjoying, my spouse, my best friend, and my family!  I never thought I would be saying this, but it took perseverance, patience and determination!  What a payoff!  

Everything in life worth having takes work!  Enjoy the results!

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin 

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