 Today, I am just in the mood to complain… Ha, ha, even if I complain or nag nobody would listen to me. In reality, I decided to write about the difference between complaining and nagging. Yesterday, I was sitting at a restaurant bar before a dinner meeting. Thinking about writing a blog, but my mind was completely blank. I could not think of a concept to write about. Writing for me is not something that comes naturally. I have an engraved dyslexia and when I speak English or Spanish people have a difficult time understanding. Language is not my forte. So becoming a writer, which is one of my passions, has become an uphill battle; a GOOD battle. While trying to come up with a concept, I eavesdropped on the conversation between Brian, the bartender, and his customers. “How are you doing?” A customer asks… “Somewhere between great and outstanding…” “How is your day?” A couple asks… “Another day in paradise…” Watching the interaction, I though to myself: what a great attitude this guy has. Brian, I said: “I like to write about failure and the ability to cope with it; for sure, you have a good story about your life and your failures.” Before leaving, he looked puzzled as if asking himself: “what does this bald guy want?” After a few minutes he returns and approaches me… "Well, I have been a bartender for 37 years. Slowly, I was able to save some money and decided to open my own restaurant; that was in 2006. My restaurant was doing well, but I did not know that recession was coming in 2007. I was surprised, suddenly people stopped coming in. I tried to keep the doors open but in 2008 after constantly reinvesting money in the business, I had to shut down the doors. I took a loss of around a $1,000,000." Ouch! "How did you manage to get out of the hole?” I asked "Well, I have to give a lot of credit to my wife who has been very supportive. She always told me not to worry, we will manage to bounce back; we have each other and best, we did not loose our home." He said, “I do not have any regrets. I did what I was supposed to do. I tried, and now it’s done. Now I need to move forward. I am 57 years old and I am making a good living as a bartender. My job is still in the hospitality industry, which I enjoy and I love listening to people. I am happy here.” He continued, “My clients come to see me; they are here to talk to someone. They want to share their accomplishments or defeats. My job is to host them with a great attitude and to listen to them. They do not want to know about my problems, they all have their own!” This tale is a familiar one to all of us. We all have stories of failure; but here is the tricky question; Would you have reacted to your failures with the same positive attitude as Brian? Most of the time NO! First we always look for an excuse or somebody to blame. We regret and complain about it but really we just don’t complain about it, we constantly nag about it. To complain means to express dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event. To nag is to annoy or irritate a person with persistent fault finding or continuous urging. According to Robin Kowalski, Ph.D. from the article Do you complain too much? There are 2 categories of complaints: instrumental and expressive. Instrumental complaints are goal oriented, meaning that we verbalize the problem in hopes of bringing about change. Expressive complaints have a different mission: to let the speaker get something off her chest. But here's the downside: Some people abuse expressive complaining, grumbling incessantly with no real interest in dialogue, problem solving, or human connection. Bad complainers are annoying at best, depressing at worst. They spread negativity and give griping a bad name I am a strong believer that if something is wrong, you should speak up to bring a change. Also, you should always express your feelings, which is something that my wife always complains about. She always tells me, “sometimes you should keep your thoughts to yourself.” Brian understood this concept; he knows that tormenting people won’t change anything. Like he says: "I need to be positive, I cannot allow my attitude ruin the night for the guests." We should follow his advice; nobody really wants to hear about our issues. Everybody has plenty of his or her own problems to deal with. Failure is just a mistake. Brian had a dream and he was determined to follow it. He did it and due to unfortunate circumstances he had to move along.
Remember, naggers are downers and no one wants to be around them; do not be one of them! Stick to the instrumental complaints, the ones that you can make a change. Peace out! “If you don't think every day is a great day try going without one.” - Jim Evans 
2 Comments
grace_eowen
9/18/2013 10:26:56 am
Wow just what i needed to read...
Mauricio
9/23/2013 08:47:40 pm
I am glad! Leave a Reply. |
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